Transition Blues #17 - A generation passing away!

Trimbak Jogdeo – my grand-father-in-law passed away few weeks ago, he was a throat cancer patient and the cancer was detected quiet late. Remembering him over last few weeks forced me to realize a generation - that established what India is today- moving away from all of us.
A staunch RSS (Rashtriya Swayanksevak Sangh – a true grass-root organization in India) activist, very moralistic supporter of "The Indian Cause", somebody who has seen jail-walls from inside during Emergency Days (India Gandhi’s reaction to loss of power and control – anybody remembers?).
He was fiercely independent. I remember at age 90, even as a cancer patient, he still washed his own clothes. He lived a true Gandhian minimalist life – a very strange thing to see in today’s world focused one excesses. He visited us in USA with 1 Shoulder Bag – 2-3 kurte and 2 pieces of Dhoti compared to my bag today, HUGE checked in luggage, still not sufficient.
I remember him for his daily exercises, no matter what. He came to meet us in USA, after a lot of cajoling; he still performed daily yoga throughout journey in US. Here I need Gym, personal trainer and a dietician. :-)
He never gained weight – how can he? He knew the amount he needs to sustain and live happily. He never ate more than once a day – unless necessary. The only luxury I remember him having was – coffee; A good coffee – made in Indian way – more flavor than Caffeine. He was a big believer of Indian-ness of all sorts – never used Colgate or any commercial soap – everything natural.
Ajoba was the last remaining link to the pre-independent days; the next generation in his family has not really done much except Pratima my wife. I always wonder what he felt towards the end, I believe he would not have had any questions – he must have left everything to Karma – everybody pays what is in their Bhagya. We all will miss that generation – may not be now, but when we will be old enough, we will realize it.

Transition Blues #16: Living with parents #2

The living with parents is very interesting and advantageous situation if USA returnee can manage to adjust. Today, I do not have to worry about anything in house – my father keeps himself busy by finding best deals in the market for everything he wants. He is a HUGE fan to "Reliance Fresh – the grocery chain", knows the shop and deal schedule inside out and enjoys running the house again. He even buys anything that he sees fits his lifestyle and our needs, he is having a blast in buying things e.g. He boughta Flour Mill - he is using it in the house, experimenting with different fortified flours - as per the Yogic lifestyle. :-)

We can do our work/job with a clear conviction that my mother will take care of Kids whe we are busy. My son has grown fond of my parents to a very large extent. Their interaction is funny at worst and a blast at best. They like and enjoy being with each other, I am sure Omkar can not imagine living without his grandmother. My mother is also enjoying taking care of him.

I can think of travelling as much as my job needs, without any worry, I know the house runs without me being around. I know this is being selfish - but it the truth. Certainly there are quirks – you need domestic help that can work with my parents, their style and expectations. It is very DIFICULT to find a Bai (a maid) that can satisfy my mother’s Standard of service. Moreover, my mother is still struggling with adjusting with city Pune – a large city where domestic help is at premium and in demand.
Overall the advantages are more than challenges and quirks, but as I said in earlier post are you ready to give away control? Are you willing to negotiate and adjust at every stage – the independence you are used to in USA?

Transition Blues #15: Back to USA - A short trip #1

I landed in SF Bay area on Thursday this week, while landing on SFO - from San Mateo Bridge, I realized how beautiful the whole area is.

I am nostaligic about the time I spent here, 10 years. Bay area built me into what I am today, the melting pot, the active immigrant community, the interesting activities happening around me were the things I will always crave for. Pune is nowhere closer to Bay area when it comes to the acitivities, peoples willingness to learn new things.

Not sure why, but most of the Indians I met over last few days seem to be tired of 'bad news' and attempting to find more about India and excitement about India. I am also realizing that most of the Indians - the ones non-risk takers, in middle management jobs - are really not sure why they are in USA and what are they doing here. They are worried that they might be missing an opportunity in India. To me, the conversation is depressing, fear is genuine and lack of Conviction to move in Senior Management Position or conviction to start something new is missing from this audience.

It is really strange to deal with this fear, uncertainity on the background of growing, excited Indian environment, this trip is going to be an interesting experience.

Transition Blues #14.5: Living with Parents

Moving to India is something many people are looking for, but very few are prepared to Live with Parents. The struggle one has to go through, is very strange and weird, said and done, the Indians returning from US, are no longer Indians. We all have seen a lot and for us, "Time" is currency and we are willing to Pay for Time. This is where the first struggle starts.

Another situation is that Parents are used to living alone, we are used to live on our terms - specifically in highly automated environment (dishwashers, washing machines). Working together and intermixing the life styles results in interestting issues. For parents, having a clean house, everything organized and not spending "Unnecessary" Money is important, for you time and your indepencence is imporatant. It is very troubling conflict that one needs to be prepared to deal with.

Moreover, the issue about who is the boss, surfaces again! For your family, for your kids, for your wife, the flexibility parents offer is very valueable, but are they willing to adapt is the issue? Are they willing to handle the limitations living with parents put on you is very imporant?

We are adjusting in our family, we do have blow-ups, I would say once in every few months, I blow the lid. I am attemting to control, but I am accepting the fact that I have changed so much, my expectations have changed so much, that I have to live with what I get.

More on this topic later,